Bonding With Your Baby

Bonding is the intense attachment that develops between parents and their baby. It makes parents want to shower their baby with love and affection and to protect and nourish their little one. Bonding gets parents up in the middle of the night to feed their hungry baby and makes them attentive to the baby's wide range of cries.

Scientists are still learning a lot about bonding. They know that the strong ties between parents and their child provide the baby's first model for intimate relationships and foster a sense of security and positive self-esteem. And parents' responsiveness to an infant's signals can affect the child's social and cognitive development.

Why Is Bonding Important?

Bonding is essential for a baby. Studies of newborn monkeys who were given mannequin mothers at birth showed that, even when the mannequins were made of soft material and provided formula to the baby monkeys, the babies were better socialized when they had live mothers to interact with. The baby monkeys with mannequin mothers were more likely to suffer from despair, as well as failure to thrive. Scientists suspect that lack of bonding in human babies can cause similar problems.

Most infants are ready to bond immediately. Parents, on the other hand, may have a mixture of feelings about it. Some parents feel an intense attachment within the first minutes or days after their baby's birth. For others — especially if the baby is adopted or has been placed in intensive care — it may take a bit longer.

But bonding is a process, not something that takes place within minutes and not something that has to be limited to happening within a certain time period after birth. For many parents, bonding is a byproduct of everyday caregiving. You may not even know it's happening until you observe your baby's first smile and suddenly realize that you're filled with love and joy.

The Ways Babies Bond

When you're a new parent, it often takes a while to understand your newborn's true capabilities and all the ways you can interact:

• Touch becomes an early language as babies respond to skin-to-skin contact. It's soothing for both you and your baby while promoting your baby's healthy growth and development.
• Eye-to-eye contact provides meaningful communication at close range.
• Babies can follow moving objects with their eyes.
• Your baby tries — early on — to imitate your facial expressions and gestures.
• Babies prefer human voices and enjoy vocalizing in their first efforts at communication. Babies often enjoy just listening to your conversations, as well as your descriptions of their activities and environments.

Making an Attachment

Bonding with your baby is probably one of the most pleasurable aspects of infant care. You can begin by cradling your baby and gently stroking him or her in different patterns. If you and your partner both hold and touch your infant frequently, your little one will soon come to know the difference between your touches. Each of you should also take the opportunity to be "skin to skin" with your newborn by holding him or her against your own skin when feeding or cradling.

Babies, especially premature babies and those with medical problems, may respond to infant massage. Because babies aren't as strong as adults, you'll need to massage your baby gently. Before trying out infant massage, be sure to educate yourself on proper techniques by checking out the many books, videos, and websites on the subject. You can also contact your local hospital to find out if there are classes in infant massage in your area.

Bonding also often occurs naturally almost immediately for a breastfeeding or bottle-feeding mother. Infants respond to the smell and touch of their mothers, as well as the responsiveness of the parents to their needs. In an uncomplicated birth, caregivers try to take advantage of the infant's alert period immediately after birth and encourage feeding and holding of the baby. However, this isn't always possible and, though ideal, immediate contact isn't necessary for the future bonding of the child and parent.

Adoptive parents may be concerned about bonding with their baby. Although it might happen sooner for some than others, adopted babies and their parents have the opportunity to bond just as well as biological parents and their children.

Bonding With Daddy

Men these days spend more time with their infants than dads of past generations did. Although dads frequently yearn for closer contact with their babies, bonding frequently occurs on a different timetable, partially because they don't have the early contact of breastfeeding that many moms have.

But dads should realize, early on, that bonding with their child isn't a matter of being another mom. In many cases, dads share special activities with their infants. And both parents benefit greatly when they can support and encourage one another.

Early bonding activities that both mom and dad can experience together include:

• participating together in labor and delivery
• feeding (breast or bottle); sometimes dad forms a special bond with baby when handling a middle-of-the-night feeding and diaper change
• reading or singing to baby
• sharing a bath with baby
• mirroring baby's movements
• mimicking baby's cooing and other vocalizations — the first efforts at communication
• using a front baby carrier during routine activities
• letting baby feel the different textures of dad's face

Building a Support System

Of course, it's easier to bond with your baby if the people around you are supportive and help you develop confidence in your parenting abilities. That's one reason experts recommend having your baby stay in your room at the hospital. While taking care of a baby is overwhelming at first, you can benefit from the emotional support provided by the staff and start becoming more confident in your abilities as a parent. Although rooming-in often is not possible for parents of premature babies or babies with special needs, the support from the hospital staff can make bonding with the infant easier.

At first, caring for a newborn can take nearly all of your attention and energy — especially for a breastfeeding mom. Bonding will be much easier if you aren't exhausted by all of the other things going on at home, such as housework, meals, and laundry. It's helpful if dads can give an extra boost with these everyday chores, as well as offer plenty of general emotional support.

And it's OK to ask family members and friends for help in the days — even weeks — after you bring your baby home. But because having others around during such a transitional period can be uncomfortable, overwhelming, or stressful, you might want to ask people to drop off meals, walk the dog, or watch any of the new baby's siblings outside the home.

Factors That May Affect Bonding

Bonding may be delayed for various reasons. Parents-to-be may form a picture of their baby having certain physical and emotional traits. When, at birth or after an adoption, you meet your baby, reality might make you adjust your mental picture. Because a baby's face is the primary tool of communication, it plays a critical role in bonding and attachment.

Hormones can also significantly affect bonding. While nursing a baby in the first hours of life can help with bonding, it also causes the outpouring of many different hormones in mothers. Sometimes mothers have difficulty bonding with their babies if their hormones are raging or they have postpartum depression. Bonding can also be delayed if a mom's exhausted and in pain following a prolonged, difficult delivery.

If your baby spends some time in intensive care, you may initially be put off by the amount and complexity of equipment. But bonding with your baby is still important. The hospital staff can help you hold and handle your baby through openings in the isolette (a special nursery bassinet) and will encourage you to spend time watching, touching, and talking with your baby. Soon, your baby will recognize you and respond to your voice and touch.

Nurses will help you learn to bathe and feed your baby. If you're using breast milk you've pumped, the staff, including a lactation consultant, can help you make the transition to breastfeeding before your baby goes home. Some intensive care units also offer rooming-in before you take your baby home to ease the transition.

Is There a Problem?

If you don't feel that you're bonding by the time you take your baby to the first office visit with your child's doctor, discuss your concerns at that appointment. It may be a sign of postpartum depression. Or bonding can be delayed if your baby has had significant, unexpected health issues. It may just be because you feel exhausted and overwhelmed by your child's arrival.

In any event, the sooner a problem is identified, the better. Health care providers are accustomed to dealing with these issues and can help you be better prepared to form a bond with your child.

Also, it often helps to share your feelings about bonding with other new parents. Ask your childbirth educator about parenting classes for parents of newborns.

Bonding is a complex, personal experience that takes time. There's no magic formula and it can't be forced. A baby whose basic needs are being met won't suffer if the bond isn't strong at first. As you become more comfortable with your baby and your new routine becomes more predictable, both you and your partner will likely feel more confident about all of the amazing aspects of raising your little one.

The Senses - 1 -2 Year old

Babies this age are maturing rapidly, and so is their understanding of the surrounding world. As they grow, they'll be seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching things that are all new.

Sight

Between 1 and 2 years old, your baby's sight will improve dramatically. By age 2, these young toddlers usually have 20/20 vision and can see details and appreciate all colors.

Your role is to provide pleasant, stimulating visual information. Picture books, colorful toys, and kids their own age are great things for babies to look at and learn about. Steer clear of disturbing or scary images, though — your toddler is not able to distinguish between the real and the imaginary yet.

Take your little one on frequent outings. The park, the grocery store, and a friend's house can all provide interesting and novel sights.

Hearing

No matter when toddlers say their first words, they'll already understand much of what is said to them before that. Your child should be able to respond to commands ("Roll the ball to Mommy or Daddy") and be fully aware of the names of familiar objects and family members.

By about 15 months, your child will be able to point to different body parts, even if he or she can't yet tell you their different names. This shows that your baby's hearing is functioning well and language skills are developing.

Although toddlers know a handful of words, most still indicate their wants and ideas in nonverbal ways. They enjoy the other pleasures of hearing: listening to children's songs and music, laughing and yelling with friends in the park, or having you read a bedtime story.

Taste and Smell

With their newfound language skills toddlers will tell you which tastes they prefer and which they dislike. At this age most like bland foods the best. Pasta, dairy, and chicken tend to be favorites.

But don't forget to offer a variety of foods to taste — fight the urge to serve only what your little one likes. Research shows that it can take a few attempts before a child will accept a new flavor. Just keep providing opportunities to try new things, and one day your child will surprise you by accepting!

Help your child label tastes and smells by using descriptive words during meals or trips to restaurants.

Touch

Although toddlers may seem too busy to enjoy a cuddle or kiss, such affection is still a necessary part of their lives. Your child is experiencing and understanding so much more, but still needs to feel loved and secure. Take every opportunity to show this.

Don't forget that little fingers this age will be into everything. Hopefully you've already childproofed your home well, but take another look around from a toddler perspective and put unsafe items out of reach. Then you can encourage your child to touch and learn as much as possible.

Toddlers also start to use their hands to show frustration or look for attention, so don't be surprised if your little one starts hitting. Although very common, teach your child that hands are not for hitting. Initially, finding a distraction may be all that is needed; however, using "time-outs" may be necessary if the hitting persists.

Should I Be Concerned?

By now you have probably addressed any concerns you've had about your baby's eyesight, but be sure to contact your doctor if any of these irregularities develop:

• eyes that wander in or out
• inability to see or recognize distant objects or people
• persistent tearing, fluid discharge, crusting, or redness of the eyes
• eyes that don't move together
• frequent squinting or sensitivity to light
• droopy eyelids
• pupils of different sizes
• excessive eye rubbing or scratching

Hearing problems may become more apparent as speech emerges. Some kids speak earlier or later than others, but there should be signs that they can understand simple instructions even if they are not yet using many words.

Don't hesitate to report any concerns to your doctor, especially if you feel your child is not babbling or responding to your speech patterns. Chronic ear infections can sometimes leave kids with excessive fluid buildup that can interfere with healthy hearing. Special tests can check for hearing loss at any age.

It's common for parents to feel concerned or frustrated with their toddler's behavior, as kids love to touch and explore everything. They're naturally very busy and curious little people, so it's important to make sure that yours has a safe environment to explore. If you're not sure about how to guide your toddler's behavior, talk to your doctor.

The Senses - 4 -7 Month old Baby

Your baby is now rolling over, starting to sit up, grabbing toys and other interesting objects, and possibly even crawling.
While most of their energy now is spent developing motor skills, babies this age also are honing all five senses, understanding and anticipating more and more of what they see, hear, and feel.

Sight

As your baby's interaction with the environment increases, you should notice a corresponding rise in visual awareness. By 6 or 7 months you may see your baby staring in concentration while holding a toy or studying his or her own face in a mirror. While still nearsighted, your baby sees much more than just a few months ago, focuses without going cross-eyed, and distinguishes colors at an adult level.
In keeping with their ability to move around, babies can track even rapid motion with their eyes. Your baby can follow the course of a rolling ball and probably can focus on watching the quick movements of an older sibling playing nearby.

Your baby also will be practicing newly acquired hand-eye coordination, so watch as your little one stares for a while at an object, then slowly reaches out to get it.
If your baby has been looking at the same toys or crib mobile for several months, now is a good time to change the scenery. Don't forget that babies older than 6 months will start to pull themselves up to a sitting position, so if you have a low-hanging mobile over the crib or wall hangings within reach, remove them so your baby doesn't get hurt.

Babies this age enjoy more complex designs and can distinguish colors. Try reading books with large, brightly colored pictures to your baby, who will enjoy staring at the pages. Stimulate your baby's vision with trips out into the world. Walks in the neighborhood, a trip to the supermarket, or an outing to the local zoo all provide wonderful opportunities for your baby to see new things.

Hearing

Hearing is crucial to developing the ability to talk, and your baby is just now beginning to understand the fundamentals of communication. When younger, your baby understood your meaning through the tone of your voice: soothing tones made your infant stop crying, agitated tones meant something was wrong.

Now, your little one is beginning to pick out the components of speech. Your baby can hear and understand the different sounds you make and the way words form sentences. Babies now respond to "no" and notice new sounds, like the bark of a dog or the hum of a vacuum cleaner.

By the seventh month, babies should recognize and respond to their own name. They also make more attempts to imitate sounds and spend more time babbling. Make no mistake, these are your baby's early attempts at speaking and should be encouraged as much as possible.
Repeat sounds you hear your baby making and introduce simple words that apply to everyday life. Have "conversations" with your baby and wait for a pause in the babble to "answer." The give-and-take of these early discussions sets the stage for your baby's first real words in the months to come.

Taste and Smell

Your doctor may suggest the addition of solid foods to your baby's diet during this period. If so, select foods carefully, introducing one new item at a time. This will help you pinpoint any food allergies that may occur, and also discover which tastes your baby likes best.

While humans innately enjoy sweet tastes best of all, you'll want your baby to be open to vegetables and other not-so-sweet tastes. Consider introducing sweeter vegetables like carrots or sweet potatoes right after those initial days of baby cereal so your baby won't protest that he or she would rather have bananas or applesauce.

You may see your baby respond to the sight and smell of your own dinner. Perhaps you can provide your baby with similar foods, pureed to baby-food softness.

Touch

The opportunities for exercising your baby's sense of touch at this age are endless, even during the course of a regular day. Let your baby roll a while in the coarse grass of your yard. See if your baby prefers to touch the silky trim of the baby blanket, or feel the texture of a carpet. Labeling the textures — "This is rough," "This is soft" — will help your baby learn more about the world.

Don't forget how important the feel of a gentle caress or a tender kiss is, and hold your baby when you are able. This kind of touching shows your baby that he or she is safe, secure, and loved.

Should I Be Concerned?

Between 4 and 7 months, you should see a noticeable increase in your baby's awareness of sights and sounds. Your baby should be responding appropriately to more and more visual and audio stimuli.
Ask your doctor to perform an eyesight assessment if your baby doesn't seem to:

• recognize you by sight or know you're in the room until he or she sees you
• be interested in looking at any new books, toys, or pictures
• have good control of eye motion (although some crossing or independent eye movement is still normal until 6 months)

An evaluation also may be necessary if you have a family history of serious eye diseases or abnormalities.
Since hearing is such a crucial component of language development, you'll also want to discuss with your doctor any concerns you have about your baby's hearing. If your baby doesn't seem to imitate simple sounds by the end of the seventh month, or shows no interest in babbling or having a "conversation" with you, ask your doctor about getting a hearing evaluation.
Warning signs of vision or hearing problems to look for:

• one or both eyes turn in or out consistently
• fluid draining from one or both eyes or persistent tearing
• extreme sensitivity to light
• no response to sound (for example, doesn't turn in direction of loud noise)
• response to only some sounds, not all (some children can hear certain pitches, some hear in only one ear)
• does not laugh out loud by 6 months
• does not babble or make a variety of sounds by 8 months, or concentrates only on making vibrating sounds that are felt in the throat rather than imitating sounds he or she can hear

Caught early, many vision and hearing problems can be treated successfully, so be sure to report any concerns you have to your doctor immediately.

The Senses - 1 -3 Month old Baby

Every minute that they're awake awake, babies take in the sights, sounds, smells, and feel of the world around them.

Although it may take a while to understand what all this information means, your infant can still find joy and comfort in the familiar faces, voices, and sensations of everyday life.

Sight

Newborns can only see blurry shapes because they are very nearsighted. Perfect vision is 20/20, and a newborn has 20/400 vision. This allows your baby to see your face from a nursing position, which is about 8 to 10 inches away.

As babies grow, vision improves so that by 3 months they can recognize the outline of face as someone enters the room. Human faces are one of an infant's favorite things to look at, especially a parent's and his or her own. Install a baby-safe crib mirror at your infant's eye level and see how your baby watches himself or herself. You also may catch your baby gazing out a window or at a picture on the other side of the room.

Your baby's color vision is also developing, so brightly colored wall hangings or toys will help develop this ability to distinguish color and form. Soft pastel colors, though, are difficult for a baby to appreciate — something to keep in mind when purchasing toys and books.

By the second to third month, your baby's eye coordination has improved enough to follow an object through a 180-degree arch. If you hang a mobile above your baby's crib, look for one that turns around, since watching things move is becoming another favorite activity. By the end of this period, he or she may begin to reach out for objects — the beginning of hand-eye coordination.

Your baby will enjoy looking out from the stroller or baby carrier as you walk the neighborhood or the mall. Point out the sights, letting your baby linger over whatever catches his or her eye. Remember, the whole world is your baby's classroom and there's so much to see!

Hearing

Your newborn probably had a hearing screening before being discharged from the hospital (most states require this). If not, or your baby was born at home or a birthing center, it's important to have a hearing screening within the first month of life. Most children who are born with a hearing loss can be diagnosed through a hearing screening.

Sometimes hearing loss is caused by things like infections, trauma, and damaging noise levels, and the problem doesn't emerge until later in childhood. So it's important to have kids' hearing evaluated regularly as they grow.

In the first months of life, babies use crying as a form of communication. After about the first month you'll be able to distinguish the different cries and what they mean. Sometimes your baby will be hungry, tired, have a wet diaper, or just want to be held. You cannot spoil your baby by picking him or her up and cuddling, so cuddle and coo as much as you like.

Your baby loves to hear your voice, so talk, babble, sing, and coo away during these first few months. Take special advantage of your baby's own "talking" to have a "conversation." If you hear your infant make a sound, repeat it and wait for him or her to make another. You are teaching your baby valuable lessons about tone, pacing, and taking turns when talking to someone else.

Babies this age seem to respond best to a higher-pitched voice, which is why most people naturally raise the pitch of their voices and exaggerate their speech when talking to a small baby. This is fine — studies have shown that "baby talk" doesn't delay speech development. In fact, responding to your baby encourages speech. Feel free to mix in some regular adult words and tone with the baby talk. It may seem early, but you're setting the stage for your baby's first word.

Besides voices, your infant will probably enjoy listening to music (play a variety of styles) and may be fascinated by the routine sounds of life as well. Keep your baby nearby as you rattle pans while making dinner, and let him or her sit in an infant seat within earshot of older siblings laughing and playing. Baby rattles and musical mobiles are other good ways to stimulate your infant's hearing.

Taste and Smell

We assume infants can smell because we know they can taste, and these are the two most closely related of the senses. Research shows they prefer sweet tastes from birth and will choose to suck on bottles of heavily sweetened water but will turn away or cry if given something bitter or sour to taste.
And at this point at least, you don't have to worry too much about your baby's taste buds. Breast milk or formula will satisfy your baby completely.

Touch

It won't be long before your baby will be reaching out and touching everything, especially things that can break.
But now, between 1 and 3 months, your baby depends on you to provide touch. Infants know they're loved and cared for when they're held, hugged, and kissed. Studies show that babies who are never touched don't develop normally, and that touch between parents and premature babies has a very positive effect on the growth, blood pressure, and overall health of the baby.

Make it fun, too. Your baby will respond joyfully to a game of "This Little Piggy" as you touch your infant's toes or fingers. Introduce different textures and temperatures: the softness of a feather, the hardness of a wooden block, the cool feel of a window in winter.

If You're Concerned

You can try some unscientific testing of your infant's seeing and hearing. By 8 to 10 weeks your baby will be able to watch you as you move around the room or follow a shiny object that you pass in front of him or her. Move a small, dim lamp or flashlight from one side of your baby's face to the other. Does your baby follow the movement? Does he or she seem to focus on the light at all, even briefly?
Until 4 to 6 months an infant may appear cross-eyed when trying to look at something that is close. This is normal in the first few months. At the end of 3 months, your baby will probably smile when he or she sees you and recognize your face. If these signs are missing, discuss it with your doctor.
If you're concerned about your infant's ability to hear, ask yourself these questions:

• Does the baby respond to the sound of my voice, even if he or she cannot see me? (Your baby's response might be to stop crying, to smile, or to get excited and move his or her arms and legs.) Some studies indicate that a newborn can already recognize a mother's voice, and by 3 months a baby can turn his or her head toward voices.
• Does the baby startle at an unexpected sound behind his or her head? Clap your hands behind your baby's head and see if there's a response. If not, try it again later (your baby may be momentarily distracted).

If you're still worried about your little one's hearing, call your doctor. The earlier problems with seeing and hearing are discovered, the better they can be treated.

Does my Toddler Have a Language Delay?

My 2½-year-old daughter seems to talk less than her sister did at this age. I know that kids develop language skills at different times, but I'm still concerned. What's "normal" for her age?
- Nina

As you mention, all children (yes, even siblings!) develop and refine their language skills at different times throughout their development, so the range of what's "normal" is broad. However, there are some guidelines that parents go by when deciding if their child might be at the latter end of the spectrum.

A typical 2-year-old should:

• speak in two-word phrases, like "more juice" and "go bye-bye"
• follow two-step commands
• name simple objects
• have a vocabulary of 50 or more words
• be understood at least 50% of the time by a parent

Between 2 and 3 years, vocabulary continues to build and comprehension also increases. By 3 years of age, a child should:

• speak in three-word sentences
• have a vocabulary of 200 words or more (basically, more than you can count)
• be understood 75% of the time
• understand prepositions (such as, "put it on the table" or "put it under the bed")
• use pronouns ("me," "you," "it")

If you feel that your child is not on track, talk to your doctor about your concerns.

Anxiety, Fears and Phobias

Everyone, from the youngest child to the oldest adult, experiences anxieties and fears at one time or another. 

Feeling anxious in a particularly uncomfortable situation never feels very good. 

However, with kids, such feelings are not only normal, they're also necessary. 

Dealing with anxieties can prepare young people to handle the unsettling experiences and challenging situations of life.

 

 

Many Anxieties and Fears Are Normal

Anxiety is defined as "apprehension without apparent cause." It usually occurs when there's no immediate threat to a person's safety or well being, but the threat feels real.

Anxiety makes someone want to escape the situation — fast. The heart beats quickly, the body might begin to perspire, and "butterflies" in the stomach soon follow. However, a little bit of anxiety can actually help people stay alert and focused.

Having fears or anxieties about certain things can also be helpful because it makes kids behave in a safe way. For example, a kid with a fear of fire would avoid playing with matches.

The nature of anxieties and fears change as kids grow and develop:

• Babies experience stranger anxiety, clinging to parents when confronted by people they don't recognize.
• Toddlers around 10 to 18 months old experience separation anxiety, becoming emotionally distressed when one or both parents leave.
• Kids ages 4 through 6 have anxiety about things that aren't based in reality, such as fears of monsters and ghosts.
• Kids ages 7 through 12 often have fears that reflect real circumstances that may happen to them, such as bodily injury and natural disaster.

As kids grow, one fear may disappear or replace another. For example, a child who couldn't sleep with the light off at age 5 may enjoy a ghost story at a slumber party years later. And some fears may extend only to one particular kind of stimulus. In other words, a child may want to pet a lion at the zoo but wouldn't dream of going near the neighbor's dog.

Signs of Anxiety

Typical childhood fears change with age. They include fear of strangers, heights, darkness, animals, blood, insects, and being left alone. Kids often learn to fear a specific object or situation after having an unpleasant experience, such as a dog bite or an accident.

Separation anxiety is common when young children are starting school, whereas adolescents may experience anxiety related to social acceptance and academic achievement.

If anxious feelings persist, they can take a toll on a child's sense of well being. The anxiety associated with social avoidance can have long-term effects. For example, a child with fear of being rejected can fail to learn important social skills, causing social isolation.

Many adults are tormented by fears that stem from childhood experiences. An adult's fear of public speaking may be the result of embarrassment in front of peers many years before. It's important for parents to recognize and identify the signs and symptoms of kids' anxieties so that fears don't get in the way of everyday life.

Some signs that a child may be anxious about something may include:

• becoming clingy, impulsive, or distracted
• nervous movements, such as temporary twitches
• problems getting to sleep and/or staying asleep longer than usual
• sweaty hands
• accelerated heart rate and breathing
• nausea
• headaches
• stomachaches

Apart from these signs, parents can usually tell when their child is feeling excessively uneasy about something. Lending a sympathetic ear is always helpful, and sometimes just talking about the fear can help a child move beyond it.

What's a Phobia?

When anxieties and fears persist, problems can arise. As much as a parent hopes the child will grow out of it, sometimes the opposite occurs, and the cause of the anxiety looms larger and becomes more prevalent. The anxiety becomes a phobia, or a fear that's extreme, severe, and persistent.

A phobia can be very difficult to tolerate, both for kids and those around them, especially if the anxiety-producing stimulus (whatever is causing the anxiety) is hard to avoid (e.g., thunderstorms).

"Real" phobias are one of the top reasons kids are referred to mental health professionals. But the good news is that unless the phobia hinders the everyday ability to function, the child sometimes won't need treatment by a professional because, in time, the phobia will be resolved.

Focusing on Anxieties, Fears, or Phobias

Try to answer the following questions honestly:

Is your child's fear and behavior related to it typical for your child's age? If the answer to this question is yes, it's a good bet that your child's fears will resolve before they become a serious cause for concern. This isn't to say that the anxiety should be discounted or ignored; rather, it should be considered as a factor in your child's normal development.

Many kids experience age-appropriate fears, such as being afraid of the dark. Most, with some reassurance and perhaps a night-light, will overcome or outgrow it. However, if they continue to have trouble or there's anxiety about other things, the intervention may have to be more intensive.

What are the symptoms of the fear, and how do they affect your child's personal, social, and academic functioning? If symptoms can be identified and considered in light of your child's everyday activities, adjustments can be made to alleviate some of the stress factors.

Does the fear seem unreasonable in relation to the reality of the situation; and could it be a sign of a more serious problem? If your child's fear seems out of proportion to the cause of the stress, this may signal the need to seek outside help, such as a counselor, psychiatrist, or psychologist.

Parents should look for patterns. If an isolated incident is resolved, don't make it more significant than it is. But if a pattern emerges that's persistent or pervasive, you should take action. If you don't, the phobia is likely to continue to affect your child.

Contact your doctor and/or a mental health professional who has expertise in working with kids and adolescents.

Helping Your Child

Parents can help kids develop the skills and confidence to overcome fears so that they don't evolve into phobic reactions.

To help your child deal with fears and anxieties:

• Recognize that the fear is real. As trivial as a fear may seem, it feels real to your child and it's causing him or her to feel anxious and afraid. Being able to talk about fears helps — words often take some of the power out of the negative feeling. If you talk about it, it can become less powerful.
• Never belittle the fear as a way of forcing your child to overcome it. Saying, "Don't be ridiculous! There are no monsters in your closet!" may get your child to go to bed, but it won't make the fear go away.
• Don't cater to fears, though. If your child doesn't like dogs, don't cross the street deliberately to avoid one. This will just reinforce that dogs should be feared and avoided. Provide support and gentle care as you approach the feared object or situation with your child.
• Teach kids how to rate fear. A child who can visualize the intensity of the fear on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the strongest, may be able to "see" the fear as less intense than first imagined. Younger kids can think about how "full of fear" they are, with being full "up to my knees" as not so scared, "up to my stomach" as more frightened, and "up to my head" as truly petrified.
• Teach coping strategies. Try these easy-to-implement techniques. Using you as "home base," the child can venture out toward the feared object, and then return to you for safety before venturing out again. The child can also learn some positive self-statements, such as "I can do this" and "I will be OK" to say to himself or herself when feeling anxious. Relaxation techniques are helpful, including visualization (of floating on a cloud or lying on a beach, for example) and deep breathing (imagining that the lungs are balloons and letting them slowly deflate).

The key to resolving fears and anxieties is to overcome them. Using these suggestions, you can help your child better cope with life's situations.

Vomiting

Most of the time, vomiting in children is caused by gastroenteritis, usually due to a virus infecting the gastrointestinal tract. (Gastroenteritis is sometimes called the "stomach flu," which can also cause nausea and diarrhea.)
These infections usually don't last long and are more disruptive than dangerous. However, kids (especially infants) who are unable to take in enough fluids and also have diarrhea could become dehydrated.
It's important to stay calm — vomiting is frightening for young children (and parents, too) and exhausting for kids of all ages. Offering plenty of reassurance to your child and taking measures to prevent dehydration are key for a quick recovery.

For Infants Under 6 Months

• Avoid giving plain water to a young infant unless your doctor directly specifies an amount.
• Offer your infant small but frequent amounts — about 2 to 3 teaspoons, or up to ½ ounce (about 20 milliliters) — of an oral electrolyte solution every 15 to 20 minutes with a spoon or an oral syringe. Oral electrolyte solutions (available at most supermarkets or pharmacies and also called oral electrolyte maintenance solutions) are balanced with salts to replace what's lost with vomiting or diarrhea, and they also contain some sugar. It's especially important for young infants that any fluids given have the correct salt balance (unflavored electrolyte solutions are best for younger infants).
• Gradually increase the amount of solution you're giving if your infant is able to keep it down for more than a couple of hours without vomiting. For instance, if your little one takes 4 ounces (or about 120 milliliters) normally per feed, slowly work up to giving this amount of oral electrolyte solution over the course of the day.
• Do not give more solution at a time than your infant would normally eat — this will overfill an already irritated tummy and will likely cause more vomiting.
• After your infant goes for a period of time (more than about 8 hours) without vomiting, reintroduce formula slowly if your infant is formula-fed. Start with small (½ to 1 ounce, or about 20 to 30 milliliters), more frequent feeds and slowly work up to the normal feeding routine. If your infant already eats baby cereal, it's OK to start solid feedings in small amounts again.
• If your infant is exclusively breastfeeding and vomits (not just spits up, but vomits what seems like the entire feed) more than once, then breastfeed for a total of 5-10 minutes every 2 hours. If your infant is still vomiting, then call your doctor. After 8 hours without vomiting, you can resume breastfeeding normally.
• If your infant is under 1 month old and vomiting all feeds (not just spitting up), call your doctor immediately.

For Infants 6 Months to 1 Year

• Avoid giving plain water to an infant under 1 year unless your doctor directly specifies an amount.
• Give your infant small but frequent amounts — about 3 teaspoons, or ½ ounce (about 20 milliliters) — of an oral electrolyte solution every 15-20 minutes. It's important that any fluids given to infants under 1 year of age who are vomiting have the correct salt balance (again, oral electrolyte solutions are balanced with salts to replace what's lost with vomiting or diarrhea).
• An infant over 6 months of age may not appreciate the taste of an unflavored oral electrolyte solution. Flavored solutions are also available, or you can add ½ teaspoon (about 3 milliliters) of juice to each feeding of unflavored oral electrolyte solutions. Frozen oral electrolyte solution pops are often appealing to infants in this age group; this approach also encourages the slow intake of fluids that's required.
• Gradually increase the amount of solution you're giving if your infant is able to keep it down for more than a couple of hours without vomiting. For instance, if your infant takes 4 ounces (about 120 milliliters) normally per feed, work slowly up to giving this amount of oral electrolyte solution over the course of the day.
• Do not give more solution at a time than your infant would normally eat — this will overfill an already irritated tummy and will likely cause more vomiting.
• After your infant goes more than about 8 hours without vomiting, you can reintroduce formula slowly to your infant. Start with small (1 to 2 ounces, or about 30 to 60 milliliters), more frequent feeds and slowly work up to the normal feeding routine. You can also begin small amounts of soft, bland foods that your infant is already familiar with such as bananas, cereals, crackers, or other mild baby foods.
• If your infant doesn't vomit for 24 hours, you can resume your normal feeding routine.

For Kids 1 Year and Older:

• Give clear liquids (milk and milk products should be avoided) in small amounts (ranging from 2 teaspoons to 2 tablespoons, or up to 1 ounce or 30 milliliters) every 15 minutes. Clear liquids that are appropriate include:
  • ice chips or sips of water
  • flavored oral electrolyte solutions, or add ½ teaspoon (about 3 milliliters) of nonacidic fruit juice to the oral electrolyte solution
  • frozen oral electrolyte solution pops
• If your child vomits, then start over with a smaller amount of fluid (2 teaspoons, or about 5 milliliters) and continue as above.
• If there's no vomiting for approximately 8 hours, then introduce bland, mild foods gradually. But do not force any foods — your child will tell you when he or she is hungry. Saltine crackers, toast, broths, or mild soups (some noodles are OK), mashed potatoes, rice, and breads are all OK.
• If there's no vomiting for 24 hours, then you can slowly resume the regular diet. Wait 2 to 3 days before resuming milk products.

When to Call the Doctor

The greatest risk of vomiting due to gastroenteritis (the "stomach flu") is dehydration. Call your doctor if your child refuses fluids or if the vomiting continues after using the suggestions above. Call the doctor for any of the signs of dehydration listed below.

Mild to moderate dehydration:

• dry mouth
• few or no tears when crying
• fussy behavior in infants
• fewer than four wet diapers per day in an infant (more than 4 to 6 hours without a wet diaper in a younger infant under 6 months of age)
• no urination for 6 to 8 hours in children
• soft spot on an infant's head that looks flatter than usual or somewhat sunken

Severe dehydration:

• very dry mouth (looks "sticky" inside)
• dry, wrinkled, or doughy skin (especially on the belly and upper arms and legs)
• inactivity or decreased alertness
• appears weak or limp
• sunken eyes
• sunken soft spot in an infant
• excessive sleepiness or disorientation
• deep, rapid breathing
• no urination for more than 6 to 8 hours in infants
• no urination for more than 8 to 10 hours in children
• fast or weakened pulse

The following symptoms may indicate a condition more serious than gastroenteritis; contact your doctor right away if your infant has any of these:

• projectile or forceful vomiting in an infant, particularly a baby who's less than 3 months old
• vomiting in an infant after the infant has taken an oral electrolyte solution for close to 24 hours
• vomiting starts again as soon as you try to resume the child's normal diet
• vomiting starts after a head injury
• vomiting is accompanied by fever (100.4° Fahrenheit/38° Celsius rectally in an infant under 6 months of age or more than 101-102°F/38.3-38.9°C in an older child)
• vomiting of bright green or yellow-green fluid
• your child's belly feels hard, bloated, and painful between vomiting episodes
• vomiting is accompanied by severe stomach pain
• vomit resembles coffee grounds (blood that mixes with stomach acid will be brownish in color and look like coffee grounds)
• vomiting blood

Baby's Sleeping Habits

Sleeping like a baby — what's normal?

A sleeping baby can be a heartwarmingly peaceful sight. But babies' sleep isn't always peaceful. Babies frequently moan, groan, whimper, and kick in their sleep — all of which can be disconcerting to new parents.

You may have observed that your baby's breathing occasionally pauses when he's asleep. He might suddenly jerk awake. He may even grind his little teeth, rock back and forth, or bang his head against the side of his crib.

These behaviors are common and usually no cause for concern, but knowing a bit more about babies' normal sleep behaviors — and what to do when something is wrong — should help reassure you.

Breathing pauses

You may notice that the rhythm of your baby's breathing changes as he sleeps. He might breathe more rapidly for a while, then more slowly, and then pause for up to 15 seconds before resuming his normal breathing pattern.

Try not to worry. Doctors call this "periodic breathing," and it's common in babies until about 6 months of age. (If your baby's older than 6 months and still breathes this way, talk with his doctor about it.)

Your infant's breathing may follow this pattern up to 5 percent of the time when he's asleep, says Gary E. Freed, professor of pediatrics and director of the SIDS/Apnea Program at Emory University School of Medicine. If your baby was born prematurely, he may breathe this way as much as 10 percent of his time asleep.

It's not unusual for a baby's hands and feet and the skin around his mouth to be bluish. But if your baby's forehead or the trunk of his body turns blue, he may be having trouble getting enough oxygen.

If you're concerned that your baby has stopped breathing, simply touch or nudge him gently to see whether he responds. If he doesn't, he may be experiencing an episode of apnea, and it's important that you respond immediately.

If your baby has stopped breathing and someone else is with you, start administering infant cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) right away and have the other person call 911 or your local emergency number.

If you're alone with your baby, administer CPR for two minutes, then call for help. Resume CPR until help arrives or your baby starts breathing again.

In most cases, babies' irregular breathing habits are nothing to worry about. But babies who have had more than one "apparent life-threatening event" (ALTE) are at increased risk for long-term complications or sudden unexpected death. An ALTE is an episode in which a baby stops breathing and may become limp, turn blue, choke, or gag.

If you're at all concerned about your baby's breathing patterns, talk with his doctor.

Snoring and snorting

If your baby occasionally snores or makes snorting sounds while he's sleeping, it's probably nothing to worry about, especially if his snores have a steady rhythm. Many babies snore when they have a stuffy nose. If your baby has a cold, try a vaporizer or humidifier to make breathing more comfortable.

Persistent snoring can sometimes indicate a problem. If your baby's snoring is intermittent (with pauses) and followed by gasps, there may be some kind of a blockage in his airway — from his tonsils or adenoids, for example. This is known as "obstructive sleep apnea," and it's a chronic condition, unlike the apnea episodes mentioned above.

Your baby's doctor can check for problems and may refer you to a specialist — an ear, nose, and throat doctor or a sleep specialist — to make sure that everything's fine.

Some babies snore because of allergies. For these babies, an air purifier, a pet-free bedroom, or medication may prove helpful. Your baby's doctor can help you determine whether your baby has allergies and what to do about them.

Sweating

Some babies sweat profusely during the deepest part of their nightly sleep cycle and end up soaking wet. Because babies spend much more time in this deepest stage of sleep, they're more likely to sweat during the night than adults or even older children.

While sweating is very common, excessive sweating could mean that something's amiss. Excessive sweating can be a sign of congenital heart disease, for example, as well as various infections and sleep apnea. (Because the baby is working so hard to breathe, he "works up a sweat," says Freed.)

Overheating is a risk factor for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). The room your baby sleeps in should be warm — about 60 to 70 degrees Fahrenheit — not hot.

Dress your baby in the amount of clothing that you'd be comfortable sleeping in without covers. Resist the urge to bundle him up, and keep blankets, quilts, and comforters out of his crib.

As a rule of thumb, remember that if you're too hot, your baby probably is too. If the house is cool and your baby is dressed lightly and still sweating, talk with his doctor.

Rocking

Many babies are soothed by rhythmic back-and-forth movements, such as the gentle motion of a rocking chair. Some babies will move back and forth on all fours or even rock while sitting up. Body rocking starts at about 6 months of age and may be accompanied by head banging or head rolling.

It's best to take a low-key approach to rocking. In babies, rocking usually isn't a sign of a behavioral or emotional problem. If your baby perceives that you're trying to stop the rocking, he may take it as a challenge and persist in the behavior.

If your baby's nighttime rocking is unusually loud or vigorous, try moving his crib away from the wall. And be sure to tighten the screws and bolts on his crib regularly, as all the motion may work them loose.

Head banging

Like rocking, head banging is a common self-comforting behavior in babies. Strangely enough, your baby may bang his head to distract himself from pain — if he's teething or has an ear infection, for example.

Up to 20 percent of babies and toddlers bang their head on purpose. Boys are three times more likely to do it than girls.

Head banging often starts in the second half of the first year and peaks between 18 and 24 months of age. Your baby's head-banging habit may last for several months or even years, but most children outgrow it by age 3.

In the meantime, tighten the screws and bolts on his crib regularly. Resist the temptation to put pillows or blankets in the crib to cushion the blows — even though most SIDS cases occur before 6 months of age, it's best to play it safe.

Head banging in babies is rarely a sign of a developmental or emotional problem, but go ahead and mention it to your baby's doctor. In rare instances — especially if your baby has developmental delays — it could be a signal that something's wrong.

Teeth grinding

More than half of babies grind their teeth. Grinding can occur at any age, but it's most common in babies who are getting their first teeth (beginning at around 6 months) and in children who are getting their permanent teeth (starting at about 5 years).

Possible reasons for teeth grinding in babies include the sensation of new teeth, pain (from an earache or teething, for example), and breathing problems (such as from a stuffy nose or allergies).

While the sound may be nerve-racking for you, the grinding probably won't hurt your baby's teeth. Do mention it to his doctor, though, and to his dentist. (Your baby's first dentist visit should happen around the time he turns 1.)

The doctor and dentist can check for damage to the tooth enamel and look for other potential culprits and resulting problems. Few babies are such ardent grinders that they actually wear down their teeth.

Your Baby's First Smile

 

There is lots of evidence to show that babies are born with an innate desire to communicate with other humans and that they interact with us long before their first proper smile. From very early on they can imitate the facial gestures of their parents by, for example, moving their tongue and widening their eyes. They are, in fact, programmed to join in the 'social dance' by meeting your eyes in a mutual gaze and by taking turns with these facial gestures. As you probably already know, this behaviour is very effective in attracting and holding your attention!

A baby's first proper social smile generally occurs at about four to six weeks, though it may be seen earlier and dismissed as wind. Psychologist Steve Biddulph says that, as newborns, boys tend to make less eye contact and to smile less than female babies. This means we have to be extra sure to interact and chatter with them, so that they grow to be toddlers who can talk as well as their girl peers.

In a Canadian study of fathers, all said that an important factor in their relationship with their baby was when they were first smiled at and 'spoken to'. Your baby is sending signals all the time and without being aware of it, you will respond by echoing back his expressions and sounds, encouraging your confidence in each other.

The smile is the beginning of being a social person and eventually a huge body of people will have experienced that smile but for now it is yours alone. When we feel fraught and bowed down by the hard work of a new baby, the power of those first smiles never cease to win us over.

My Toddler always throwing stuff!

 

Throwing things is a new and enjoyable skill for many children this age. It takes fine motor skills to open the fingers and let go of an object and considerable hand-eye coordination to actually throw it. No wonder she wants to practice this exciting skill once she's mastered it! What happens next is endlessly educational, too: 

Your toddler discovers that whatever she throws falls down — never up. She can't say "gravity," of course, but she can certainly observe its effects. If she throws a ball, it bounces; if she tosses an apple, it goes splat; and if her dinner gets the heave-ho, you probably go ballistic. Of course, it's maddening when spaghetti winds up all over your just-mopped kitchen floor or a clean pacifier lands on a dirty sidewalk. But rather than trying to stop your toddler's throwing (a futile effort anyway), concentrate instead on limiting what she throws and where she throws it.

When she's in her stroller or car seat, try attaching a few playthings within easy reach (using short strings that can't get wrapped around her neck). She'll quickly discover that in addition to throwing the objects, she can fish them back again. Double the fun for her, half the work for you.

At mealtime, try using a special toddler dish with plastic "suckers" that fasten to the table or highchair tray. Keep in mind, though, that while these work well enough that a casual grab won't send her dish scuttling across the floor, they won't stop a small person who's amazed to find her dish "stuck" and is determined to pry it off! This is a messy eating stage, but you can often avoid the worst of it by sitting down with your child while she eats. That way, you're right there to gently but firmly tell her "no" when she makes a move to toss her lunch and to hold her plate down with your hand if need be.

It may also help to serve tiny portions of finger foods directly on her highchair tray or a paper towel and to hold off on dishing up more until she's eaten what's there. Keep in mind, too, that most kids don't start throwing their food until they've finished eating and have grown bored. So take your toddler's food-flinging as a sign that she's finished her meal, and lift her down from the table. If a bit of food does escape her hands, either by accident or on purpose, try to keep some perspective about it: After all, a dropped slice of bread or a pinch of grated cheese on the floor may be annoying, but they're not worth getting upset about.

When your toddler's playing, on the other hand, there are things you'll want to stop her from throwing: sand from the sandbox, for instance, or blocks at the baby. But she'll accept these limits more easily and learn to police herself more quickly if there are lots of things that she is allowed — and even encouraged — to throw. Balls are an obvious choice, and you may want to stock up on a few foam "indoor balls." But actual throwing games (like tossing beanbags in a basket or skipping stones on a pond) are even more fun for a toddler, especially if you play with her. The message you need to convey is that throwing things is a fine as long as she throws the right things in the right place at the right time. This lesson will carry over to many of the other physical skills she's mastering, too: There's nothing wrong with kicking a soccer ball in the park, for instance — but kicking a playmate won't be looked upon too kindly!

Baby Crying what should i do ?

 

Lets face it all babies cry and sometimes many mothers may think that their baby suffers from excessive baby crying. Excessive baby crying perceived by one mother maybe quite normal for another.

The question on many parents minds is why do babies cry? What is it that they want and need and what is it that we can do to stop babies crying. If we had the answer to this parents all over the world would get a better nights rest.

Baby experts all over the world have been studying why babies cry so much and why there are differences between babies. Some babies cry excessively and all the time while other babies can be easily pacified when they are crying.

There are many different reasons as to why baby crying is more of a problem for some than others:

Signs and communication - Crying is the way that babies try to communicate that they need something. The following are reasons why a crying baby may be trying to communicate with you try the following hints to see if any of them work to stop your baby crying.

1. They are hungry - babies cry when they are hungry and some babies may feel hungry more often than others and at odd times of the day. To test if hunger is the reason, offer your baby some milk to see if it resolved the issue. If you baby takes a little milk but then continues to cry it is unlikely that this is the reason that they are crying.

1. Comforting - some babies just need the comfort of a dummy or a breast to suck on this can give your baby the comfort he or she needs to get a good nights sleep. Some babies are more affectionate than others and just need to be held and cuddled. Try cuddling your baby, giving him a dummy or gently rocking your baby.

1. Full of energy - if your baby isn’t tired and you put him to bed he will cry probably from boredom. Try keeping your baby active before bed time so she or she is tried. Another method is to have a mobile above the bed and rattles / toys to keep your baby occupied so he doesn’t get bored at bedtime.

1. Over- tiredness - sometimes if babies are too tired they will cry because they feel irritated and overactive whilst at the same time tired. Many adults find it difficult to sleep after a late night at work even though they are tired because their brain hasn’t had a chance to “switch off” before going to bed. It may be worth trying to leave your baby in a quiet dark room possibly with some gentle soothing or relaxing music.

1. Thirsty - even if your baby is not hungry he or she could be thirsty it is always worth trying to offer your baby some water when crying to see if this will solve the problem.

1. Soiled nappies - a wet or dirty nappy will cause your baby discomfort and could be a reason for them crying. Check your babies nappy to see if this is an issue and change it as soon as possible.

1. Temperature - if your baby is in a room that is either too hot and is sweating or overheated or in a room that is too cold he or she may feel irritable and begin to cry. Ideally the room that your baby sleeps in should be around 18°C (65°F).

Your chlids temperament - Children tend to differ when it comes to their temperaments. A lot depends on your luck, whether your child is fussy, easily upset, and irritable, or is placid, content, and easy-going.

Parents moods may make a baby cry

A mother’s feelings and moods may affect how long her child cries. Those mothers, who are depressed, anxious, angry, or exhausted, tend to have children who cry extensively. Similarly those mothers, who have relationship issues with their partners, or feel rejected due to their child’s crying, are more likely to have children who cry excessively. We are not saying the feelings of the mother caused the child to cry more frequently, but they are usually a factor that causes the child to cry more.

The feelings of a father may also have some effect - a recent Swedish study found that fathers, who felt that the birth of their child was distressing or upsetting in some manner, were more likely to have a child who cried extensively during the first few months after birth.

Colic and crying babies

Colic is a term that describes excessive crying among children. It usually starts around two weeks after birth and tends to get better by the time the child is four months old, but it may last even longer. Crying episodes may reach a peak during late afternoon and evening hours. Many theories have been submitted to try explaining what causes the colic. One of them suggests that colic is because of muscular spasms that affect the gut, causing cramp-like pains after the child has eaten. There is very little evidence to favor any particular theory over another. It gets difficult to say which treatment is best for colic.

Colic drops, gripe water and special preparations like Infacol have been used to treat colic. But they have not been proven to be effective. Many forms of massage have been recommended for children with colic. It is possible that these repetitive movements (or others like ‘cycling’ your child’s legs) may produce a calming effect. Some persons say the application of gentle pressure on a child’s tummy will ease colic. Try it by lying your child face down over your shoulder or knees. Some babies may be allergic to protein found in cows’ milk. You can try eliminating it from your child’s diet.

Cutting out cows’ milk for a couple of weeks may work for breastfeeding mothers. If a child is bottle-fed, talk to your physician about prescribing alternatives to the standard milks featuring infant formulae.

Illness

Finally, be sure that your child is not crying because he or she is ill. If your child is ill, there will be other symptoms like a runny nose, temperature, diarrhea, vomiting, rash, and drowsiness. He or she may not be interested in eating food. If you feel your child may be ill, consult with your doctor immediately for medical advice.

Receiving Blanket

Pink Baby

Welcome baby with a beautiful, soft blanket made just for newborns. There is nothing that can help a baby feel more secure and relaxed than being swaddled in a warm receiving blanket.

Receiving blankets come in a variety of materials, textures, colors, and prints. The size of receiving blankets varies from manufacturer to manufacturer. Some blankets are 30 x 40, large enough to cover a toddler while others may be only 30 x 34. It's only a few inches but it can make a big difference. You can choose from lightweight brushed cotton for summer to cozy cotton fleece or a boxed thermal weave for the winter months.

A new favorite is the cotton jersey knit receiving blanket. which is buttery soft.

Some receiving blankets are designed with a hood attached at one corner of the blanket. This is similar to the way a baby bath towel is designed. Using a hooded receiving blanket helps to keep your baby extra warm because the hood reduces the amount of body heat lost through your baby's head. This style of blanket would be the best choice when you take baby out on a crisp morning to run errands or head to the grocery store.

Receiving blankets are very comforting for your little one and they're just the right size to use to swaddle your baby. Swaddling is a way to snugly wrap a baby in a blanket for warmth and security. It will also keep babies from being disturbed by their startle reflex. Swaddling can also serve as a way to help keep your baby warm and toasty for the first few days of life until the body's internal thermostat fine tunes itself. Most important, swaddling can help a baby calm down.

Most likely you'll be given a lesson in this ancient mothering skill before you the leave the hospital. Try swaddling your baby after you've made sure your baby isn't hungry, wet or tired. Swaddling can help settle a baby. Many times babies will become overstimulated and swaddling can help them cope by giving a baby the opportunity to feel something close and tight like the security felt in the womb.

Here are step-by-step instructions to swaddle your baby:

Lay a blanket on a flat surface and fold down the top right corner about 6 inches. Place your baby on his back with his head on the fold. Pull the corner near your baby's left hand across his body, and tuck the leading edge under his back on the right side under the arm. Pull the bottom corner up under your baby's chin. Bring the loose corner over your baby's right arm and tuck it under the back on his left side. Some babies prefer to have their arms free, so you may want to swaddle your baby under the arms so there is access to hands and fingers.

A baby should not be swaddled after they are one month old since it can interfere with mobility and development as your baby grows older. By this time, most babies are routinely kicking the covers off anyways.

Easing Sibling Rivalry

No matter how close or far apart you chose to have children, they will at one time or another experience jealousy towards one another. It's human nature, and not a result of poor parenting, so don't doubt your ability to raise well-adjusted children. Sibling rivalry can cause a great deal of stress in a young family. Children have to be taught by example when they're young, for it's not instinctive at birth that they know how to love and be kind toward one another.

When a new baby arrives, an older child may feel threatened or afraid that mommy and daddy may not love him or have time for him anymore. Some children feel resentment towards the new baby to the point of wanting to harm the baby. Toddlers may revert back to wanting a bottle if they have given it up, or, if they're potty-trained, may begin having accidents or wetting the bed. Others may talk like a baby for attention. This is all normal regressive behavior. If it goes on too long, or becomes a major concern to you, talk with your pediatrician for professional advice on how to best handle the situation.

Conversation can be a good starting point when trying to resolve sibling rivalry. Talk openly with your child when you first discover you're pregnant. Talk about what is happening in the family unit, why mommy's belly is getting so big or why there is new furniture coming into the house, maybe even into the child's room.
Take the child along to prenatal doctor visits and let him or her hear the baby's heartbeat. Include him in simple decision making, like deciding between two names for baby or minor decorating decisions in the nursery. Reading books can be an effective way to begin talking about a new baby and about becoming a big brother or sister.
Here are a few books to look for:

• The New Baby, A Little Golden Book, by Cindy Szekeres
• Grover Takes Care of Baby, A Little Golden Book, by Emily Thompson
• The Berenstain Bears - New Baby, by Stan & Jan Berenstain

There are things you can do to help your child adjust to having a new baby around the house. You could have a "Big Sister" or "Big Brother" party with cake and candles in their honor. Older siblings can feel left out or not important when they see the baby getting all the gifts and attention. If they're old enough, let them know how important their help will be with the new baby. Explain the ways you will count on them to help you with bottle feeding, diaper changing, bath time, and even bedtime stories.

While the new baby is sleeping, play or read with your older child. Give her your undivided attention, so she will feel loved and secure. It is essential to set aside individual time for each child on a regular basis. During these times, be sure to let her know how special she is and how much you appreciate her help. Some comparison between children is inevitable, but regular praise of each one of your children builds self-esteem and self-confidence. Children need to hear what they do well. Be sure to praise your older child for his or her uniqueness, strengths, accomplishments, and efforts.


Older children jealous of new babies or younger siblings can be surprisingly aggressive and sometimes torment their siblings. You should intervene if it begins to get out of control. By the same token, younger siblings should not be given "free reign" to harass or irritate the oldest just because they're smaller. Blaming each other or tattling should be discouraged and try to let the children sort out some of their own problems by remaining neutral. However, if one is being bullied or harsh words are being said, disciplinary intervention may need to occur before things get out of hand. Call a time out for them both to cool off, then calmly discuss the situation. These are the times when you will need wisdom and patience to determine how best to seek justice for all injured parties.

Life can be chaotic and frustrating with children at times, especially if it seems all they do is bicker, argue, and fight. Take time to remind yourself that it is a part of growing up and you can't stop that process no matter how hard you try. All you can do as a loving parent is show each child unconditional love and accept them for who they are.

Someday they won't be under your roof anymore, so it's important to enjoy each moment with them while they are young and allow them to develop their own relationships with one another. You can encourage more closeness by complimenting them when they play well with each other or when they help out. Being a big brother or a big sister can be a very important part of a child's personal development. As a parent, your role is to help your children recognize that being a sibling is a wonderful opportunity for closeness, love, and friendship.

Should Babies and Toddlers watch Television

So much television programming is aimed at young children. Much of it appears to be educational: teaching the ABCs and life skills. When is it appropriate to introduce a baby to television, and what do parents need to know about this topic?


A great deal of research has been done on the effects of television on children's lives. The first step in making the decision is to get the facts. Because nearly all of us have one or more TV sets in our home, and since most of us watch some TV nearly every day, we may not want to hear what research tells us, but these are things parents need to know.

• Experts suspect that babies younger than two years old view TV as a confusing array of colors, images, and noises. They don't understand much of the content. Since the average TV scene lasts five to eight seconds, your baby or toddler doesn't have enough time to digest what's happening.
  
• Cartoons and many children's shows are filled with images of violence. If you find this hard to believe, surf the TV on Saturday morning. The realism portrayed in today's cartoons has moved light years beyond the Bugs Bunny type of violence. Many children's shows almost are animated versions of adult action films. Research shows that exposure to this type of programming increases the risk of aggressive behavior and desensitizes children to violence.
  
• Babies and toddlers have a very literal view of the world. They can't yet tell the difference between real and pretend, and they interpret what they see on TV as true life. Research has demonstrated that many young children believe that TV characters actually live inside the TV set. This can confuse young children's understanding of the world and get in the way of their learning what's right and wrong. It can paint a picture of a frightening, unstable, and bewildering world - and your little one does not yet have the faculties to put what he sees into proper perspective.
  
• Television watching can be addictive. The more that children watch, the more they want to watch. Even toddlers can become drawn to the set. Once addicted, turning off the TV can become a daily battle. Children who watch TV excessively often become passive and lose their natural creativity; they eventually have a hard time keeping themselves busy, and they lose valuable time that should be dedicated to "play" - the foundation of a healthy childhood and the primary way that very young children learn.
  
• Parents sometimes unwittingly begin to use TV more and more as a way to keep their children happy and quiet. It takes a strong will and dedication to avoid the easy route provided by this free and easy - yet sometimes dangerous - babysitter.

 Children experience unparalleled physical, mental, and emotional growth in the early years of life. Time spent watching television is time taken away from more healthful activities that nurture growth and development.

• Children who watch a lot of television during their early years are at risk for childhood obesity, poor social development, and aggressive behavior. They often have trouble adjusting to preschool or kindergarten. According to a study by Yale Family Television Research, teachers characterized children who watched excessive television as less cooperative, less imaginative, less enthusiastic about learning, and less happy than those who watched little or no TV.
• Due to all the above reasons, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that parents not allow children under two to watch any television.

You may have noticed that all of these points demonstrate the negative aspects of letting babies and toddlers watch TV, and you're wondering if there are any positives. There are a few, but I'll be honest: I had to be very creative to come up with this list, since published research doesn't demonstrate many good points for putting a young child in front of a television. But we need to be realistic and acknowledge that most of us aren't going to put our TVs in the closet until all of our children start school. Here are some of the good points of television for children:

• Quality children's programming can teach your child basic academic skills, such as the ABCs, counting, addition, science fundamentals, basic language skills, manners, and even early reading skills.
• Your child can view things she might not otherwise see in daily life: exotic animals, distant lands, musical instruments, historical places, and diverse lifestyles. Your child can learn about the world beyond her home and neighborhood.
• Your child can learn basic social skills from watching wholesome programming: how to play with other children, how to use good manners.
• Using extraordinarily careful selection and restraint, a little bit of television can provide a parent with much-needed down time, or time to catch up on tasks that need adult-only attention.

 Hold off introducing television - even videos - to your baby as long as possible. If you wait until your child's second birthday, you can consider yourself incredibly successful in starting your little one off well and with the kind of real-life interaction that is so important for his development. If you decide to allow TV before your child turns two, choose programming carefully, limit viewing time and skip days when possible. (Daily viewing easily becomes habit.) The less watching time, the better! Set a goal, such as no more than 30 minutes or an hour per day, or one favorite show, so that you'll not be tempted to turn the TV on too frequently.

• Watch programs yourself before you allow your baby or toddler to watch them. Just because a network markets a show to young children doesn't mean it will reflect your own family's morals and values. You will be amazed to discover that many programs aimed at children contain violence or topics that are inappropriate for your child. Don't assume that your baby can pick out the moral message from a program that features violence or conflict on the way to an important lesson.
• Pay attention to commercials - surprisingly, an excellent children's show will sometimes feature commercials that depict the exact things you don't want your little one to see!
• Choose programs that are developmentally appropriate for your child. For you, this means shows that are slow, boring, and probably somewhat goofy. But choose programs from your child's perspective, not your own.
• Invest in a collection of appropriate and educational videos for your child so that you won't be confined to network programming schedules when you are ready to let your little one watch something.
• Watch along with your child when you can so that you can monitor your child's reactions to what he's seeing. Invite questions and discuss what you are watching so that you can understand your little one's take. Point things out and talk about what is being taught to get the most of out of educational TV. You may even follow up with some lessons afterwards.
• Avoid keeping the TV on when no one is actively watching. Many people do this and are used to the background noise the set generates, but your child will almost surely be exposed to programming that is inappropriate for her.
• Make a conscious decision about how you will use television in your family; don't watch it by accident or default.

Baby Sign Language

Imagine if your 9-month-old could tell you that he needs his diaper changed, wants juice instead of milk, and that he is tired. By teaching your baby sign language, it's possible to communicate months earlier than normal, helping to reduce frustration and develop a deeper bond with your baby.

Teaching your baby sign language is simply an extension of his or her natural desire to communicate. Most babies naturally learn common signs and gestures such as waving bye-bye, holding up their arms when they want to be picked up, and opening their mouths wide when they want more food. Infants are able to understand language at a very young age; however, most babies don't begin talking until they are between 12 and 24 months old, and their vocabulary and ability to communicate remain extremely limited for months. This is because infants develop the fine muscles in their hands before they develop the facial and tongue coordination required for speech.

Most babies are ready to learn sign language and are able to sign back at around 7 months of age; but each baby is different and some aren't ready until 9 or 10 months. You can start signing to your baby as early as you wish, but don't be discouraged if your baby doesn't respond. Many parents who start too early become bored or frustrated when their baby doesn't sign back and give up. You'll know your baby is ready for signing if he or she can wave bye-bye, hold a rattle, and if she drops something and then looks to see where it went. Once you do start signing, it may take weeks or even months before your baby catches on and begins signing back to you.

Some people worry that teaching a baby sign language will delay his or her speech. However, studies have shown these concerns to be unfounded and infants who learn sign language may actually begin speaking earlier. Infants in these studies started using expressive language at an earlier age, played more with words and ideas, and paired them up before they have even developed the oral motor skills required for speech. At 36 months, the signing babies in the study were speaking, on average, the equivalent of non-signing 47-month-olds; and by age 8, children who had signed as infants had stronger reading skills than those who did not. In addition, studies performed at the University of California found a connection between infant signing and higher IQ scores. They discovered a 12-point difference between a group of second-graders who had signed as babies and those who had not.

There are two schools of thought regarding baby sign language: one advocates using American or British Sign Language (ASL or BSL, respectively) and the other creates its own signs or modifies ASL signs to make them easier for a baby's hands. There are benefits to both methods. Teaching your baby ASL or BSL will make it easier for him to continue signing as a second language and communicate with the hearing impaired.

On the other hand, your own signs may be easier for you to remember, and easier for your baby to sign. Regardless of the method you use (and many parents use a combination of both) the most important thing is that you are communicating with your child.

You don't need to spend hours studying and learning the complete ASL dictionary if you wish to teach your baby sign language; it can be easily worked into your normal routine and you can learn right along with your baby. Start with simple, need-based, and commonly-used words such as milk, diaper, more, and eat, and remember these important tips:  

•  Always pair the spoken word with the gesture.
• Always praise your child's attempts, and be excited and animated. If you are bored or frustrated, your child will be too.
• Show your baby the sign before and during an activity such as feeding or changing a diaper.
• Be consistent - use the sign every time you do the activity.
• Stick with one sign until your baby begins to sign it back to you, then choose another sign and start the process over again. But don't abandon the first sign - continue to use it frequently.
• Be patient - your child won't learn to sign overnight.
• Be flexible - your baby may invent a new sign once she understands that everything has a sign. Feel free to continue using it, or show her the correct ASL sign. Either way, praise her for her efforts.